Month: December 2003 (Page 2 of 2)

Yesterday I had to report for jury duty. I’ve received the summons a number of times but have never had to report until yesterday. I arrived feeling rumpled and resentful and frantic. Traffic is horrendous at 7:30 in the morning, which is when I had to leave to give myself plenty of time to go somewhere new. Turns out that it was just enough time to travel the 14 miles to the courthouse. Also, I thought I was going to be bored and hate jury duty.

Check in was easy, the room was large enough to accomodate all the potential jurers comfortably. We watched a video, a judge spoke to us about our duty and thanked us for participating, then we had a short orientation. Not long after I settled into reading a book a bunch of names, including mine, were called to go next door, where the criminal trials take place, to be picked or passed over as potential jurors.

The process is actually very interesting. The case I was waiting for was a burglary, rape, and murder trial. The person who is charged is in the room with his attorney and the prosecuting attorney. We hear the charges, a few details, and the names of the accused, and the victims (there were two in this case). At first I was kind of freaked out about possibly becoming a juror in this case but then I got used to the idea.

Forms were passed out to people who wanted to be excused from the trial for financial hardship reasons. The trial was expected to be wrapped up, including jury deliberation and verdict, just before Christmas, which is longer than most criminal trials take. A number of people were excused for this reason, although some who wanted to be excused were not. Since I work for a university, I’m available for jury duty for as long as it takes.

Next came the ardous process of randomly picking jurors and alternates. I say arduous because the people who were picked as jurors and alternates have to answer a series of questions, explain their answers, often asked lengthy further questions by the prosecuting attorney then either dismissed for no apparent reason by either attorney until they’re satisfied with the make-up of the jury (for no apparent reason). By the end, I was torn as to whether I wanted ot serve on the jury or whether I wanted to get on with my normal life. The case sounded very interesting and this is a way to participate in the community with fellow community members.

We all were required to return today and go through another short round of alternate juror selection. Then the attorneys were satisfied and the rest of us were dismissed. Some potential jurors were visibly and audibly relieved. I went away with mixed feelings, some happy but some a little sad that I was actuallygoing to have to wait to possibly be on a jury again.

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Normally at this time on a Sunday morning I’d be in a riding lesson. However, I rode yesterday instead because we were going north about 2 1/2 hours to visit friends. I didn’t want to have to wake up at 6:20 this morning after having been out late last night.

There were only two riders in the lesson yesterday, including me. It turns out that my favorite lesson horse is a bit of a problem horse these days. Apparently he used to be super reliable but now spooks at a a lot of things, won’t jump over flower pots or solid-looking walls. He has also unseated a number of riders. I had no idea. It was probably better when I didn’t know, although we rode well together as usual. He has spooked while I was aboard but never very seriously, not enough to get out from underneath me. The trainer thinks he was traumatized at some point and lost his confidence. When I rode him yesterday, I tried to support him with my aids and voice, then petted him each time we went over a jump well. I hope we continue to have a good riding relationship because he is my favorite lesson horse. In fact, when I finished with him and put him in his stall, I felt a little annoyed when I saw someone after me gathering his tack; I felt like she was going to ride MY horse. I really do need my own horse.

Yesterday we saw “The Haunted Mansion” with our friends. It was a cute movie, just about my speed. We saw the movie in a locally-owned theater, not one of the big mega-plexes. The lines to buy tickets and concessions were short and best of all, the volume wasn’t ear-splitting. I hate that in the mega-plex theaters. Afterward we had dinner in an Italian restaurant, that used to be a bank. The vault was turned into another dining room. Quite charming. The food was pretty good but the seafood had been frozen. Blech. I grew up in the Pacific Northwest where the seafood is always fresh, live until just before cooking. I’m very fussy about the flavors of food, especially if I’m paying for it in a restaurant.

Does it count as insomnia if it’s only been one night of sleeplessness? Normally I’m a great sleeper. I fall deeply into sleep often before 9:30 p.m. then usually start waking up around 4:30 a.m. Often I remember my dreams if they occur after 4:30 a.m. Last night was different though. My mind wouldn’t shut up even though it didn’t have anything important to say — at least not anything that couldn’t wait until the morning.

One of my main causes of anxiety is fretting about decisions that I don’t have to make yet. Certainly it’s good to be prepared to make a decision but often I act as if the decision is immediately in front of me and necessarily made. Last night I fretted over what kind of a horse I want to buy. Do I want to get into Paints again? Should I buy a good ‘ole all-around Quarter horse? Or a Thoroughbred because they’re athletic jumpers and have endurance. Or a super-supple Warmblood? I’m a long way away from buying a horse because first I need a job that pays more than my graduate student TA’ship. Second, when I’m ready to buy a horse, there will be many for sale and I’ll know when I see the right one.

I also fretted about where I was going to stable the horse that I’m not buying yet. I feel a loyalty to Bell Canyon Equestrian Center because I’ve been riding there the longest but it’s not the most convenient and I hate going through the guard gate (the stable is in a gated community). Or should I board at LA Equestrian Center? Since so many shows are held there, I wouldn’t have to trailer in. But it’s not convenient to go there every day to take care of the horse I’m not buying yet. It’s a 30-minute freeway drive as long as there’s no traffic — how often does that happen in LA? Or should I board at PepperTree, which is a short bike ride from the house. Very convenient but I don’t know any of the trainers. See what I mean? I’m trying to make a decision about a horse I’m not even buying!

While I was in my fret-fest I wondered whether I should continue my Ph.D. program or stop at the Master’s and go back to work for the feds. Again, I don’t have that choice right now. I am applying for a job with the Forest Service but I have no idea whether I have a good chance at the job or not. I am qualified but the district may have someone in mind for it. Or a better-qualified person may also apply. The point is that I’m trying to decide whether to take the job and stop at the Master’s when I haven’t even been offered thejob!

As if that wasn’t enough, I started writing a letter in my head to the owner of a Paint mare I owned back in the late 1980’s and early 1990’s. How was I going to phrase the letter so I could show genuine interest in the mare without “checking up” on her condition. As if I needed to worry about that at midnight.

It is important to have some basis for making decisions when the time comes but fretting about them is completely unnecessary. I just couldn’t convince myself last night.

Yesterday I read an article in Practical Horseman magazine’s November issue that seemed particularly relevant in my life at the moment. A college-aged woman wrote in and wondered whether she should try to make it in the horse business. The woman had had horses as a young person but then found the chores, such as mucking stalls, associated with horse-keeping a drudgery. She went on to college to major in theater but soon found out that wasn’t for her. In the meantime, she started working at a stable and found the horse-keeping chores rather meditative. It was a good question because many people who try to make in the horse business fail. And many successful people still live hand to mouth.

The response, written by a successful horsewoman, was particularly relevant to my situation, where I have what seems to be a wide variety of skills that tend not to apply to each other, such as firefighting, oceanography, and horse-keeping. The responder herself had changed her major wildly a few times in college but was able to point out how the skills and knowledge she gained from those different majors ended up being building blocks to what she was doing now in her horse career. I found this insight to be particularly comforting when I’m working on something in my research I care little about at the moment. All the work I’m doing are building blocks to my future.