Month: September 2004

Today I’m borrowing a prompt that was borrowed from someone else: What Matters.

Sometimes when life goes to fast and gets confusing an exercise in remembering what matters can straighten out the path a little. Here’s what matters to me and not necessarily in order of priority:

Obviously, if you’ve been paying attention, horses matter a lot to me. It’s difficult to pin point exactly why. They just do. I loved horses even before I had a chance to ride one. All I ever wanted to do was ride a nice horse and have fun. I can’t remember the first time I ever rode one, possibly in second grade. A friend had a pony. I rode, fell off, got back on, fell off, etc. But it was some of the most fun I’d ever had. After that I chose my friends based on whether they had horses because my parents weren’t going to buy me one. One dear friend had two horses, two Appaloosa mares that I’ve mentioned before. We rode together a lot. In high school things changed, I started hanging out with different people and so did she but my love for horses never went away. I finally bought my own horses when I was 20. After a few years, life got hard, got in the way and I sold them, thinking I’d finally grown out of them. I’ve told this story more than once before. Twelve years later I decided to start riding again. After another year, I’m horse shopping again.

On Sunday when my trainer told me that she didn’t think Simon was the right horse for me, my heart nearly broke. I had already gotten attached to him and he has a lot of positive qualities. But I had to go back and figure out what mattered. Did it matter that I just liked the horse? Of course. Does it matter that we probably wouldn’t be able to show together for a while because he’s too green and I’m too green and that’s not a good show combination? That’s not as crystal clear to me. Does it matter that he’d be a long term project? Yes, and that’s fine.

Work matters. I have to work to pay the house payment, buy groceries, ride horses. At this point I really don’t know what I want to do for work. I’d love to work with horses but I’m not qualified for much. I volunteer at a therapeutic riding place, which gives me some horsemanship skills and a lot of satisfaction. I’m not sure I aspire to become a therapeutic riding instructor or not. I have some doubt, although I can’t put my finger on it. It’s a good exercise for me to wait until my doubt becomes more clear because I have a tendency to jump into things with both feet then spend a lot of time and energy trying to get back out and wondering where I went wrong. Sometimes I think I want to work just so I can afford a pleasant lifestyle that involves horses, property, a garden, and a few fruit trees. Other times I think I want to work in a field that is very rewarding to me. What that is has not been revealed to me yet. If it has, I obviously haven’t been paying attention and missed the boat.

Friends and family matter. It would be awfully lonely without them. I need them. This is one of my most clear values. I don’t even have to say much about it.

Health matters. I’m still young and nothing has gone terribly wrong yet. I’d like to keep it that way for as long as possible because I enjoy activities that require some physical ability. I want to enjoy these activities long into old age.

Spirituality matters. I’m paying more attention to spirituality than ever before. It matters that I have a relationship with God/Spirit/Universe/Inner Wisdom/Godde. This is a value I can’t explain and don’t feel like I need to (like with other things I’ve mentioned). It just is.

Education matters. Books matter. Taking care of the Environment matters. My list could go on; I need to explore these other things another day.

I’ve promised to write about my recent trip to Washington but I haven’t felt like it. We’ll see if it comes up later in this post.

Tonight we’re going to the Hollywood Bowl to see a show, the season finale actually. We were given the tickets by a friend of mine so this performance will be really sweet. The tomorrow we go to the Los Angeles County Fair.

And I’m trying out a horse to buy. Simon, a chestnut, 9-year old Thoroughbred gelding arrived at the stable late Thursday afternoon. He was still a little wild-eyed when I stopped by to visit him and give him carrots so I just petted his velvety nose and left him until the following day. I rode him while my trainer watched. He has a very bouncy/springy trot which made me feel as though I was getting tossed out of the tack at the posting trot. Simon has a lot of go, especially compared to Goldie and Sophie who I’ve been riding since February. Normally with the two mares I expend a lot of energy trying to get them to go forward. With Simon, it is the opposite. He zips around the arena while I try to hold him back a little bit. My ride on him this morning went better. He seemed to relax and give to the bit more often. And it turned out that he was no speedier than three other horses in the arena. A little girl named Trinity was riding Goldie this morning. Those of us on bigger, fancier horses passed her several times as we trotted and cantered around the arena. Simon has a floaty canter, which is lovely to sit. I made a few mistakes going over jumps but nothing that can’t be fixed over time. I’d forgotten that Simon is a little green and made a sharp turn to a jump on him and nearly landed in the dirt. He stopped when I hauled back on him so I could reorganize myself in the saddle and stirrups. I also held him too long before a jump that resembles a stone wall. He decided that he needed a closer look at it so stopped. Fortunately I had him slowed quite a bit so that I didn’t go over his head when he stopped. The next time around he went over it as easy as pie.

Tomorrow I ride him again then we think about making decisions about purchasing him. I feel like we’ll get along great over time, after I learn to ride him better. Simon seems like an honest horse who wants to jump. He hasn’t tried to play any tricks on me or get away with anything. I’m sore from the amount of riding I’ve done this week. I’ve ridden every day except Monday and Wednesday. Since Simon is a different ride than I’m used to, my legs are sore in different places. And my feet go to sleep in the stirrups after a while. Anyone else have any trouble with that?

I still don’t really feel like posting about our trip to Washington but I’ll give the highlights:

The first two days we drove around with my dad to look at property. The weather was deliciously mixed with sunny and cool to rainy and windy. I’m not sure how many properties we looked at but one sticks out in our minds. I keep making plans for it even though I’m sure it’ll be sold before we have a chance to make an offer because we’re not moving until next summer. I simply must graduate before we move anywhere.

The B&B we stayed in for two nights was so peaceful. Especially the night it rained. We left the blinds open and listened to the rain patter. By morning the rain had stopped but a heavy dampness lingered in the air over the bay, which we could see from three of our windows.

One night we picked up oyster’s from Blau’s on Samish Island. My dad and I like oysters but his wife and my husband do not. So we bought halibut for them at the Snow Goose produce stand on Fir Island. We had a delicious barbeque of oysters, halibut, and corn on the cob. Dad and Dave put the Weber in a small shed, watched the rain and drank beer while I made salads. All the driving around beautiful country, standing in the warm windy rain near Deception Pass on Whidbey Island and watching the birds feed on a herring ball in front of a God Beam brought back so many wonderful memories of what I had left behind when I decided to see what was beyond Skagit, Whatcom, and Snohomish Counties. I’m glad I found out but I’m thrilled we’re making plans to move next summer.

For the next two days I ran around seeing friends I hadn’t seen in a decade, sometimes longer. We stayed at a B&B in the town of Snohomish, which is known for its antiques and historic district. If you click on this link, and scroll down to the picture on the bottom right, you’ll see our room, the Tower Room. The stairs in the picture lead to a tower that has a daybed and an antique writing desk that I must have!

We had a good time at my 20-year class reunion, which was down in Seattle even though we graduated from Mount Vernon High School. The committee had arranged for a cruise around Elliot Bay. It was really great to connect with those people again even though we have little in common with each other except four years of high school. Some I had more in common with because we went to elementary school together.

On Sunday we went to my aunt’s for a down home dinner of comfort food that featured oven roasted ribs, a cheesy potato casserole, green bean casserole, a green salad with canned shrimp and a creamy dressing ending with gravenstein apple pie. Just like the old days. It was hard to leave. Thank goodness I have horse shopping to provide a diversion, a new project for me so I can manage the next 9 1/2 months before we move.

We are two days back from our trip to Washington, about which I will post later. For now, for your entertainment, here is yet another silly quiz:

You are Lawrence Ferlinghetti! Modern rebel and
owner and proprietor of the City Lights
Bookstore in San Francisco, Lawrence
Ferlinghetti is known for his playful tone and
innovative style. He is MY favorite poet, and
the works of lawrence are always eye-opening
socio-cultural critiques in a light-hearted
tone. He is recognized as one of the most
influential poets of the beat era.

Which famous poet are you? (pictures and many outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla

Even though it was ridiculously hot today, I went to the horse show at the Los Angeles Equestrian Center. It was a 5-day show put on by Gold Coast. They put on one show a month for most of the year. Who knows whether I’ll show in their next one, which will be the end of October. It all depends on whether or not I buy the horse that I looked at today. If I buy her, I probably cannot afford the show. If I don’t, then perhaps I can show Goldie, the mare I’ve been leasing since February, who is unfortunately dead lame right now. It happens, especially in older horses. Goldie is 15.

Anyway, the horse I looked at today. At one point I was baking in the hot sun but still enthusiastically watching my compadres ride in their classes when my trainer told me that she found a horse for me to look at. The horse is a six year old Thoroughbred bay mare named Tiffany. She’s a sweet-looking mare and has been taking some ribbons in her classes with her beginner rider aboard. My trainer’s assistant rode her over some jumps so we could get a better look and an idea if she has potential. She does. She’s willing and does her flying lead changes already. My trainer feels like she make the horse into what she wants. Tiffany needs some weight as she’s kind of scrawny in the rear end (and I am most definitely not!). She’ll get chunky under my trainer’s feeding program. I get to ride her a week from tomorrow. If I wasn’t going to my class reunion, I could ride her sooner. I feel surprisingly calm about this, which is often a good sign.

I hope everyone is enjoying the long weekend. I’m taking an additional day off on Tuesday to meet with my spiritual director one final time and have lunch with friends I have not seen in a while. On Wednesday I have a long day on campus, mostly teaching but then we leave for four days up in my beloved Pacific Northwest.

While we’re up there, my dad who is a real estate agent, will be showing us some property. Those showings will be just to see since we aren’t ready to make on offer on anything. In fact, I’m trying hard to reconcile myself to the good sense idea that we will move close to my next birthday in June instead of moving in January after fall quarter. The difference between January and June is only five months yet it feels like five years to me.

The reasons it’s a better idea to stay until spring quarter is over include that I’ll get an additional two quarter of teaching experience, I will be able to fulfill my teaching obligations instead of cutting out early, I will be able to finish my thesis leisurely (unless I get distracted by something else). If we left in January I would have to finish my thesis without nearby support from my advisor plus I’d have to try to make time for it while I was getting settled in our new home and most likely a new job. If I didn’t have a job already, certainly I’d be spending a lot of time looking for one. Even though these reasons make logical sense, my heart wants to go sooner rather than later. So when do I surrender to good sense and when do I push to make things happen for myself? In this case, something is telling me to surrender but I’m still resistant though perhaps softening a little as I continue to acknowledge the logic of staying until June. After all, it is only an additional five months. What’s five months when many months seem to zip by unnoticed?