Beege was ultimately my teacher. Of course when I got him in October 2015 I had big plans to start eventing or continue hunter/jumpers. He'd been retired from the racetrack for at least 7 years, someone had him for a while and started eventing him. The photos of Beege going over beginner novice obstacles were horrifying at best because his rider wasn't balanced, was jumping ahead of him. What I liked was his try in spite of a poor pilot. Beege was going for it even though it didn't look like he enjoyed it very much.
After I adopted him from a neighbor, I put him in training at a local hunter/jumper barn without much success for a number of reasons. The training operation was in transition was one problem and the other was that B didn't take to a life mostly in a stall. He was used to having access to pasture and turnout. Most boarding and training barns do not have the luxury of acreage for adequate turnouts for all the stabled horses. Many horses get turned out for an hour a day then return to their stall or the arena for the remaining hours. Many horses do fine in this system. Some horses prefer the familiarity of their stall but not B.
In November of that year I moved him to a friend's pasture. Since I didn't have a horse trailer I attempted to do some training on my own and relied on past practices or traditional horsemanship, which is often pressure and release or sometimes even punishment. The idea is to apply pressure then release when they get the right answer. At the time I didn't know how to recognize the right answer.
One problem with B was that he felt pressure from so many directions it was difficult to get him to focus. Plus it was November so daylight hours were in short supply and training in the field lead to mud, which is less than ideal. Training on my own was depressing as I was not making any progress with him. It was also clear that he didn't trust me as his leader. For good reason too.
Thankfully I was introduced to a kind farrier who had some connections that might be able to help me. One of these connections was a trainer starting her own business and she was willing to come to me to help me out. We started training together in February 2016.
Meghan is a natural horsemanship trainer, which I knew little about except that it seemed kinder than traditional methods. In the past I had rejected it because it never seemed like natural horsemanship trainers ever actually rode. Which was short-sighted of me. This time I needed to start somewhere and clearly we weren't going to start riding until B was more trustworthy.
Meghan's practices are primarily based on pressure and release techniques developed by trainers like Pat Parelli. B was extremely sensitive so where we started was simply desensitizing him to a stick and string. That went well but we moved on to the flag and learned that he was explosively distrustful of the flag. If it so much as moved, B would snort and bolt.
My hopes for riding and going to events were pretty much dashed, although I could see some progress with Meghan's training. Her goal was to teach him confidence so that he didn't have to snort and bolt. We worked together over the months and were able to hand-walk him over to a neighbor's arena. Sometimes it went well and many times it didn't. It was always hard to tell when an exercise that had started well was going to unravel B.
Since I grew up on the philosophy that 30 days of training will get you a rideable horse, my hopes to start riding any time soon seemed silly. But Meghan was moving her operation to a training facility and I could put B in full-time training in June 2016. The consistency would help him.
Or so we thought.
What we found was a long journey of lameness exams, ultrasounds, x-rays, chiropractic work, joint injections, a strained suspensory, which required stall rest. I wasn't sure if the treatment was worse than him living with a strained suspensory. Plus it was December so my getting to the barn to hand graze him was difficult. Arena exercises were out of the question because if he got scared, he needed to move his feet. Possibly a lot of moving and that was bad for his recovery.
Eventually (3 months?) he recovered from that injury and we were able to start riding again. Until he started spooking at unpredictable things. Since he wanted to learn and wanted to please, we thought he might have more pain. After more diagnostics and injections, a specialist diagnosed arthritis in his front fetlocks. Maybe he'd be suitable for light trail riding or maybe some easy jumps but he'd be unpredictable under saddle as it was clear when he was in pain, his fear and distractedness overruled any training he'd had.
None of this was fun for B or me. Or even Meghan really. It's difficult to ride an unpredictable horse even if you're getting paid for it.
I made the decision to retire him to another friend's pasture. I could still do ground work with him and he learned to like some of the Parelli games because he was good at them. He was good at obstacles and targeting strange things like boats, tractor implements, and tarps. He would even stand on a tarp. B's bugaboo was the flag. I spent hours trying R+ (positive reinforcement or clicker training) just getting him to look at a flag. Finally he would target it. Sometimes he'd allow me to actually touch him with it. He learned to love target training and getting rewarded for the right answer.
What B and I gained from training was confidence. I learned to be a leader and to wait for him to tell me what he needed that day. Sometimes B was very quick about telling me what he needed, which was a reminder that he was safe. Mostly B was a sweet horse who desperately wanted a job he was good at. R+ training was a good fit for him because he loved being successful and R+ rewards, frequently, a job well done.
This post will be one of many as I work through my emotions about losing him on Friday.