I’ve been applying for jobs lately so apparently I’ve made the decision that I’m going to stop at the Master’s degree and go back to work. This is all contingent, of course, on my getting a job. If not, I may as well continue with the Ph.D. since the university pays me to be a teaching assistant. The pay is not great but absolutely better than nothing!
The interesting thing about this is that my actions indicate to me that I’ve made a decision, not that I actually made a decision then set about to applying for jobs, which is the way things should work. I guess…. The reason I say this is because if I’m leading with my actions and not my head, am I trying to hide something from my brain? My brain won’t notice that my eyes are reading vacancy announcements and my fingers are updating my resume, putting the application materials into an envelope, writing an address, then putting a stamp on?
However, what I do like about the way I’m going about this decision is that I’m taking these actions because it feels good, right, to me, not because I think that this is what I _should_ be doing. Part of my goal with counseling is to get away from the should’s and go toward the feels good and right actions. Evidently I’m getting the message.